i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
