mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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