i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
