He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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