I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
