no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
