I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
