oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
