I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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