Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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