we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
