Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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