Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my poor anus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
