i think my tv is drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
