I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
