Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
