why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
