there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
