I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
