So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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