so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
