found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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