So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
