You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
