nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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