What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
