i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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