is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
