She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
