just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
