Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
