the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
