Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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