sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
