So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
