I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
