You can't motorboat a personality
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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