I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Success! We fucked roommates!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
