Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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