Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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