why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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