dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
