Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
