my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
