I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
