My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
