i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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why is half of my head shaved?
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