PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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