Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
