You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
