She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
