your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
