you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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