So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
