My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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